Before I had kids I was a world traveler, in fact, I met my husband while traveling solo around the world. Last week, on the other hand, a tax form asked me to list the countries I had been to in the last two years. I thought this is going to be tough, there are so many, but then I realized there were none.
There were none.
For me, the backpacker who couldn’t sit still, who changed hostel beds every two nights for months at a time, I had no countries to list because I hadn’t left the European Union in the two years since my second child was born.
An opportunity to step back into the travel world came in the form of a speaker role at a blogger conference in county Donegal Ireland. I jumped at it like a thirsty person in need of water, but once the joy of signing up wore off, I was left with the question many of us ask ourselves: Is it really worth inconveniencing my family to do something just for me and will the guilt ruin everything?
The Wheels on the Bus
County Donegal is in North West Ireland. You can get there from Dublin airport in an hour by plane, but in an act of time-starved rebellion I decided to take it slow and sit with myself for four hours on a bus. There was no dishwasher to empty or milk to buy. The land outside my rain-spotted window was all green hills dotted with white sheep. I had a journal open on my lap and the time to appreciate what I once took for granted, the ability to have my thoughts uninterrupted.
A Day Later In a Game of Hide and Seek
David, the tour guide at Sliabh Liag Sea Cliffs, said it was time to go home, as I have said many times to my exploring children expecting them to obey. Like them, I struggled to comply, not because I wanted to be defiant, but because I was climbing flat shards of rock embedded in emerald hills overlooking the Atlantic. From where I stood it took so little imagination to believe that fairies were real and, like my kids, I wasn’t ready to let that magic sensation go. But one thing that always works on them and me too is food.
Can it Always Be Snack Time?
From slabs of iced cake and milky cups of tea at the Sliabh Liag visitors’ center to soups and soda breads at 134 year old Danny Minnie’s. My inner child was fed in so many ways in Donegal. There was sticky toffee pudding at The Yellow Pepper in Letterkenny and whiskey tastings at Crolly Distillery. Every day my hotel served a full hot breakfast of sausages and cereals, eggs and pastries. On top of that, when my meal was done, I did not touch a single dish.
In All the Fun, Did I Miss Them?
My daughter is only two. She still spends a lot of time in my arms and I swear I could feel the ghost of her on my body and it made my heart ache. But my right shoulder which has twisted under the weight of her squirming felt less and less out of alignment. Old videos of my son’s younger years kept me company at night and I was truly able to reflect on what a blessing it is to be the mother of these two little humans.
Time Out for Dancing in the Rain
On the final night of the conference I found myself dancing to a live band in the rain without a thought of who would make pancakes in the morning. The next day, rather than flying home, I booked an extra night to watch t.v in the hotel room. I used the sauna and steam room. I drank red wine, ate chocolate cake and dozed. When I returned to my family the next day, I felt well-rested and whole.
Something’s Different About You
My children looked bigger and their grandparents admitted they were tired, which made me feel vindicated and grateful for their help all at once. Immediately I saw a change in myself. I was a more compassionate, self-fulfilled parent. Instead of snapping, when my children did something I didn’t like, I had the capacity to choose how I wanted to parent. It made me happy to tickle my son’s back until he fell asleep because I was full. I danced, I drank, I learned something new and I finally had that overflowing cup we’re all supposed to serve from but never seem to find.
Advice: How to Push Past the Guilt and Go
Find your helpers and trust them to do the job. Without a doubt grandparents, spouses, babysitters and friends are going to do things differently from you, but remember these shifts can help your child build resilience and, perhaps, some appreciation for you.
Remember: Your actions today inform your child’s decisions tomorrow, so imagine your child in a similar do-I-stay-or-do-I-go position in the future. What advice would you give? That is the action you should take today.
