It is the norm. Clothing is always optional and rarely is it a used unless its parent’s weekend or grand mom is coming over. The penis is overpowering and I am in the minority. The penis has a magnetic-like property that forces them to keep their hands nearby at all times.
2 | Someone is always looking for food
Whether it is ordering a pizza (or pizzas) or ordering mommy to make food, food is always on the agenda. My boys spend most of their waking hours searching out snacks and asking me to make them mac n’ cheese.
3 | The smells
None of them are pleasant. I spend more time hunting out the source of foul odors then I’d like to admit. I feel like I also did this while in college at parties. Much like today, I was always confused how boys could live that way, with those smells.
4 | Sports
Although the sports that my twins play seem to be a bit different than their twenty-year-old counterparts, they are still just as ridiculous. Whether it is mud wrestling or flag football the end result is always the same… injuries, dirt, and fighting.
5 | Terrible dancing combined with mosh pit like moves
I have witnessed it twice in my life, once at a fraternity house in 1998 while listening to Sugar Ray and once in my kitchen last week. Both scarred me. Both made me sad. Only one I can be held directly responsible for. Mark McGrath is on the hook for the other one.
6 | Women get sucked in by their cuteness and promises of a good time
They leave happy they made it out alive.
7 | Toys everywhere
From toy trains and building blocks to snowboards and X-boxes, the toys may get more expensive but the lack of concern stays the same.
8 | Farting
It doesn’t matter if is real flatulence or a man-made noise, it still is the funniest thing they have ever heard.
9 | The bathroom smells like a urinal cake
Mainly because standing and peeing is something that takes years of practice. Sometimes even after twenty years, more practice is needed.
10 | Binge drinking
Granted four-year-olds are binge drinking juice boxes but the premise is the same.
11 | Floor food is completely acceptable
The Five-second-rule is more like a Five-day-rule in both homes.
12 | Mom still washes all laundry
The socks that are stiff should never be questioned.
13 | Expiration dates are merely a suggestion
If it’s not curdled then it’s good to eat. It may even get turned into a game.
14 | There is so much poop talk
So much. Honestly, I don’t even think the jokes really change all that drastically in twenty years.
15 | The competitive nature of boys and twins is like no other in this world
Twin boys can literally fight about anything. From who can put their socks on fastest to who can pee the farthest, it never ends. I also once witnessed in college two guys arguing over who farted loudest. So there’s that.
16 | Every single argument ends in a physical fight
My boys have taken to headbutting each other in the face when they disagree. Likewise, so did many of my fellow college male classmates.
17 | They egg each other on to do dumb things
Just the other day I had to stop my boys from jumping off the top of their swing set. I also stopped a college friend from lighting a firecracker between his butt cheeks.
18 | There is a lower expectation of basic hygiene at both ages
In the summer months, I literally hosed my kids off before they came in the house and called it a bath. I suspect most of my college friends did the same.
19 | Both are Momma’s boys
My two will always run to me when they have a scraped knee or broken tooth and my friends always sought the advice of their moms when life got hard. Mom is and was always number one.
20 | Both have huge hearts
Despite the gross behavior and the daily assault on my olfactory nerves, my twin boys and college boys (at least the ones I knew) have huge hearts.
It is clear to me now, two kids and two different experiences later: our babies are born ready. All they need is for us to be ready to listen, and respond.
I had no idea how infuriating the question “how can I help?” would be when there was a sink full of bottles and an empty fridge. Mom friends to the rescue.
Beyond knowing how to handle a tantrum to avoid public embarrassment, we can begin to view them as a valuable opportunity to teach our children life skills.
ParentCo.
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